Yes I’m a Single Mom Part 1
I have wanted to write this post since earlier last week when I received a text from a friend asking me “Why can’t you live closer?” In fact I even asked Sassy for permission to blog about it and she excitedly said, “of course”, then bugged me through text again the few following days wanting to know when the post would be written.(oh the pressure) I have decided to do this post on being a single mom in a few parts.
You see like me, my friend Sassy is a single mom. Yup, it happens to the best of us. She has two young kids 7 and under, owns her own home, works her butt off, and does it all single handedly. Her struggles of last week broke my heart and did make me wish I was closer so I could hop in the car and drive the short hour to cheer her up. In the span of a mere 3 days she had been totally taken advantage of by a neighbor, worried numerous times about losing her job, decided the guy she was dating was not working out, and to top it all off, are you ready for this? She ended up losing both of her dogs in which her children could not understand why she couldn’t fork over the 400 dollars to the pound to get them back.
That would be enough to bring anyone to their knees…now imagine dealing with all of this all on your own.
One bus ticket to the nut house PLEASE!
Most the time us single moms just want to be like everyone else. Really we are. We get our kids ready for their day, make the meals, keep house, work or stay home, send the kids to school or homeschool, bathe the kids and then collapse into an exhausted heap on the couch. Regardless of whether or not you’re a single mom, mothering is a hard job. The one big difference…there is not someone else to fall back on when two kids have to be at different places at the same time, to tag team nights where the baby just won’t sleep, or to collapse on when your whole flippin world is falling apart. So….you do it, go to bed, wake up and do it all over the very next day.
One of the things people say to me that I will never understand is,
“You’re amazing I don’t know how you do it.”
I know people mean well when they say this. I’m sure some people think they’re being encouraging when they say it. I’ve never had it said to me negatively. I just never quite know how to respond to that phrase. How do I do it? I usually just answer with a,
“Thank you but I just do what I do.” I’m not anything special or different. There are millions of single moms out there right now doing the same exact thing.
I do it because I love my kids. I do it because there is no other choice BUT to do it. I mean sure I guess I could hole myself up in a closet and be negative about it and cry because I’m doing it on my own, and deal with it that way. Except I have these 4 creatures I’m responsible for that I chose to have .These 4 little creatures that love me no matter what I do, that I’m entrusted with to raise into the best adult creatures ever.
Not that I don’t have my “I’m going to be the lonely old cat lady F O R E V E R” moments. Ask my mom or any of my closest friends. Those are never pretty moments. I must admit though they’re fewer and further apart then they used to be.
They’re fewer and further between for two simple reasons.
One, if any person, single mother or not, constantly focused on the negative where would it get them? If I started off my day in a “woe is me” state of mind every day I think that would be a pretty miserable way to live. I taught myself when things start going really bad and I’m focusing too much on the negative to step back and look at the bigger picture. Do we have a roof over our heads? Is there food on the table? Are we surrounded by people that love us?
Two, I am blessed with amazing kids. How can I possibly focus on the negative when I’m surrounded by 4 of the most incredible kids ever? Sure they have their moments what child doesn’t? Does that mean they deserve to have their momma crying or constantly upset? They deserve a mother who thrives on teaching, playing, and building memories with them. They need a mother who can show them that even in a less then ideal situation; you can always make the best of it.
I am not delusional or so unrealistic to know that I’m never going to have bad days. We will have them as single moms, but practicing these two things have been what gets me through most days. In fact it has helped me to see that yes I may be a single mom but I am still incredibly blessed beyond words. Sassy asked me how I pull myself out of these slumps. I told her I do things I love. I pump up my music, I do an activity with the kids, I cook, whatever will bring a smile to my face.
I got a text from Sassy yesterday. She has decided to try and focus on the positive as well. Her text read
“Been happier today. I will be fine being a single mom.”
I texted her back telling her how proud of her I was and to look at all the stuff she has done on her own already. A couple minutes passed and her last text came through saying
“You are totally right! I have done so much with God’s help and he has blessed me so much.”
I love it when I’m right.