The Statement That Rocked My World This Week
I know I’ve sucked at blogging this week.I could give you a million excuses why. In fact most of those excuses would be valid. I could whine at you and tell you about my busy week…but then everyone else has had an equally busy week.I could just say my heart hasn’t been in it…but that’s not true either. The reason I haven’t really been a great blogger this week is all Kenna’s fault. She sent me into a tailspin with one simple sentence she declared to me back on Monday night.
She has had my head spinning from the moment she said it. I’m not sure how to take what she said and I’m still processing it.The simple thing she said to me so matter of factually was:
“I’m pretty sure I’ll be a single mom when I grow up.”
The statistics of it all is yes, if she gets married and has children her marriage only has what a 50% survival rate? I asked her why she felt like that she answered
“I want kids. I don’t want a dad for my kids though if he doesn’t want to be a part of my kid’s lives and will not be there for me.”
UMMMMM….WOW….Breathe momma and don’t cry.
How do you answer that?I realize this comment doesn’t really need an answer. She’s 10 going on 23.
I will be honest and say there were two reactions I had to this statement.Both making them self reflect.
The first PRIDE:
She gets all that I do for the family. She sees that yes even though a family SHOULD be made up of mommy and daddy and kids, it just doesn’t always work like that and that if it doesn’t life has to go on. She feels that she has enough strength in her even at this young age that if push comes to shove she could do it on her own. She very obviously is not going to settle for less than the best from any perspective guy she may date then marry.
I have done a good job of hiding some of the harder times us single moms go through from her…so she doesn’t see it.
They know how to take care of a household because we have learned as a team. They do know it takes everyone in the family to make a house run smoothly.
the second reaction was GUILT:
No child should EXPECT that when they grow up they’re going to have to be a parent on their own. I haven’t always been in the best relationships and my kids know this and have seen this(this includes with their dad.) When my kids did have a “father figure” that wasn’t anyone I was dating but a husband of a friend whom they all loved,that relationship ended badly. He ended up committing suicide. Talk about rocking your kid’s world. No child should ever have to go through that.
I have done too good of a job of hiding the hard times with my kids. While I’m very open and honest with my kids,maybe I’m not being honest enough? They don’t know how,in my head,while I was trying to get Holly’s arm free this week I was thinking “Please…I wish I had anyone to call besides my daddy for advice on this.”(and in all fairness to that last statement I could’ve called B but he was starting a new job that day and well I figured a “help holly’s arm is stuck” phone call would not look good for him.)
They didn’t see me angry and pissed off,punching the wall, screaming at the fact that not only did my best friend lose her husband and her kids lost their father, but the one man my kids had trusted had totally just screwed them all over.No one saw these moments because I had no one there to support me…I had to work through them on my own.
They have always seen me do it all on my own. Even when married to their father. The upside of this…I CAN do most things on my own. The downside? Sometimes I’m too stubborn and bull-headed for my own good and it causes problems for me. (as in no I won’t go to the hospital I’m fine even though my heart is racing I can’t breathe and I hurt like hell.) it has also caused problems in past realtionships where I just automatically assume I’m responsible for every little thing and then I end up being taken advantage of.
They have not seen my totally pathetic “I KNOW I’m gonna be the lonely old cat woman for the rest of my life.” moments. Yes I joke about them on here and with others. Very few have seen these moments. Like I said they are PATHETIC.
She has no clue on how much I have had to sacrifice to be able to stay home with them as a single mom.
So yeah as you can see one little sentence from Kenna totally threw me through a loop. I’m happy she sees that yes she can be strong enough to do almost anything on her own. I’m sad and guilty that she would just assume she is going to have to at some point.
We have read the Bible on all of this. We’ve talked about how we’re not meant to do this on our own. God created Eve because Adam was lonely. She knows what the Bible says…but she also sees the reality of the fallen world.
I’m in a great relationship now. I’m praying that with time Kenna will see the positives of having two adults in a household. I’m praying that I won’t always have to be a single mom. I’m praying that the words,
“I’m pretty sure I’ll be a single mom.” will change to ” I cannot wait to meet the man of my dreams and raise a family with him.”
Yeah kids can really rock your world.