Incredibly Real and Raw

My writing has been less than stellar lately. I’m very aware of it. I’m so aware of it that it keeps me up at night and wakes me up early in the morning. I used to be so very full of so many ideas to write down on my paper or computer. These days though most the thoughts that enter my head I wonder if anyone would even really want to read.

I’ve had so many people tell me I should write down my story of being a single mom. To do that I would have to be completely honest with everyone, include not only my good times, but my epically bad ones as well. To do this I would have to be completely raw with myself. Completely raw is not a place I want to go. Although it’s where I live inside my head most the times these days. Trust me it is not a pretty place to be.

Maybe it is just time that I become real and raw. I have never cared what people think of me before so why should I care now?

I feel like I’m barely keeping my head above the water on most days.

There are days where I have to remind myself to breathe.

The move up here was definitely a good one I just wonder though how long until we get settled into a place we can call home. How much longer do I have to keep relying on friends.

I’ve always been the one to offer the help not take it.

I’ve been listening to Incubus a lot lately.Normally it clears my head, and helps me get my thoughts straight. Lately, it just brings back memories of those harsh raw times in my life.

Maybe it’s time to find a new soundtrack to my life.

Maybe it’s time to just say screw it and pick up that pen.

Maybe it’s just time to become incredibly real and raw.

 

 

 

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About twisteddomesticgoddess

I'm the momma/step momma/ teacher/head cook/ top organizer/ supplier of milk and baby kisses here at Casa La Crazy. Life with 7 kids is rarely dull and usually exciting. Add in 3 cats and one fun loving boyfriend and life is pretty adventurous!Come on in sit down and please bring some extra coffee!

Posted on November 6, 2011, in Single mom and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.

  1. Sweetheart,
    You ARE “real and raw!” Those who find you and read your heart, come away feeling connected to you. They come back for more.
    Those who don’t read your heart, are just reading and it really doesn’t matter if they stay or go.
    Ooooh, chalk one up for Caffe! I didn’t know I could be so deep! lol Blowing kisses Wendy Darling… xoxo

  2. Have you been in my head or something? I was thinking the same thing about my own writing…and my rawness would be about my own emotions and fears about love and life…but I completely get it…

  3. I’m here for ya! Write it out if u want grrl! What’s the worst that could happen? It can be quite cathartic, I find!

  4. Oh yes, do what’s good for you. I can find writing incredibly theraputic at times and incredibly unhelpful at other times. I decided about a year ago to only write what makes me HAPPY (not necessarily only happy things, but things that fill me with warmth because I’m writing them down) and my life is so, so much better for it. And yes, don’t be so critical of yourself–we all like you how you are! 🙂

  5. you have got to stop being so hard on yourself. Life has taken you in so many directions. You are doing great for what you have been through sickness, bad relationships, moves, and 4 kids on your own. we have all made mistakes that we are not proud of it is what makes us who we are. If I had not done some of the things from my past I would not be where I am in my life right now. I would not be with my husband or have the boys I have. Yes my life could be better or it could be a lot worse. You have to be happy with what you have while you have it. It will get better it could also get worse, but you are a strong woman who will pull through it all with flying colors. you will raise your children to be strong independent and loving. you are in a funk, put on some happy tunes put the past in the past where it belongs and let your life take the course it was meant to take. I love reading everything you write, yes some is more exciting and informative then others, BUT this is your blog. You have a right to type what you want whenever you want. If we don’t want to read it then we just go to another page. So you type what you want, if that is what is on your brain so be it.

    Stay happy, enjoy your relationship with B and those wonderful kids of yours. you are doing everything you are supposed to be doing and that is all that matters.

  6. If it helps you to write, then write. Do it for yourself and don’t worry if what comes out of your head is not what people want to read. But I have a feeling that your real and raw will speak to people.
    As you know, I have a catagory called my WordPress Therapy (or something like that) where write about the dark in my life. I don’t go there often, I only have one post there, but that post has received the most attention of anything I have writen on my blog. When I wrote it I thought I was being too depressing and that people would not care – perhaps they just want the light and fluffy in life, I thought – but that was not the case. And the most important thing about it was that after I wrote it made me feel better.
    Pick up that pen, change your soundtrack, dust off that keyboard (no one says you have to push that publish button), and write my friend.

    Oh, and your writing is just fine – stop being so critical! I, for one, look forward to your posts. And I know I am not alone in that.

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