The After Effect of Facing Down My Demons…

Almost 100 of you read my post yesterday.The number 100 has been linked with myself and Reed since his funeral,because you see on that day 100 people..yes 100 turned out to support us in the loss of my son. 100 people who had never gotten to meet him or hold him the way they had held my other babies. 100 people…that is an amazing number. The most amazing part of that was the biggest group of those 100 were not family,although most of my family WAS there,they were friends or merely acquaintances from the church I attended.


Reed’s life as short and tiny as it was moved not only my family but at least 100 other people. And over the years the friends I have made that make it a point to call me on Reed’s birthday,or to include him in discussions now and then are absolutely touching.

Yes Friday was a hard day. Yes it sucked big time. Yes I would’ve much rather have been in bed.

When people or friends ask me how I made it through that time,how did I take the time I needed for myself I try not to laugh. Simply,I tell them,as much as I would’ve loved to have just locked myself in the closet and cried I couldn’t. I had three young kids ages 4,2,and 9 months that needed their momma.Through holding them,through feeding them,giving them their cuddles and answering their questions, I healed. I learned very early on in the grieving process to tell my kids that, “It’s ok momma is crying today,I’m just a little sad today.”

100 people read my post yesterday and I feel myself uttering the same words I used to utter to my small children,

“It’s ok momma is crying today.I’m just a little sad today.”

But yesterday…yesterday was a new day and I want to share with you all that I feel stronger and happier then ever. Oh and wiped out from all the crying,but that’s just a small side effect. Yesterday for the first real time I was able to look at baby clothes and buy a bunch. I was able to make a major score of cloth diapers from a local lady. I was able to start planning little Adrienne’s arrival and that felt amazing.

I say it often but when I say it I am not merely uttering the words, I believe it whole heartedly. I am a very very blessed girl. The people who have surrounded my life have all left me with a part of them. Brandon has stepped up in areas no one should ever have to, and my family(who I count as both his and mine) are incredible.

Maybe one of these days I will write this all down in a book. For now though I am simply content to share my journey with you all through this blog. Thank you my bloggy friends you have touched my life more than you ever will know and I thank God everyday for you.

For my new bloggy friends who have recently embarked on the journey I have walked or are walking it right alongside me I want to tell you…

It’s ok if momma’s crying today.It’s ok to be sad for the day.

Just don’t ever forget I love you all.

And you all are SIMPLY AMAZING




About twisteddomesticgoddess

I'm the momma/step momma/ teacher/head cook/ top organizer/ supplier of milk and baby kisses here at Casa La Crazy. Life with 7 kids is rarely dull and usually exciting. Add in 3 cats and one fun loving boyfriend and life is pretty adventurous!Come on in sit down and please bring some extra coffee!

Posted on April 29, 2012, in Pregnancy, Reed's Saga and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. My heart aches for you. I am so sorry for your loss and your grief. You are so brave to share it and I know that it will help someone else who is struggling. Bless you.

    • Thank You Stacey. The one thing I promised myself after we had Reed was to not let his story get lost. A friend of mine once told me (while I was having a HUGE breakdown in the church bathroom) that I wil never have a way of knowing how many lives mine and Reed’s lives touched until I got to heaven and God held up a mirror that showed all the pieces of the puzzle fitting together…it’s a beautiful image I cling to in the dark times. If we can help other people in his short life here on Earth than it was all worth it.

  2. You are amazing. I love you. [[[hugs]]]

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