No Title Adequate Enough
I have had this post in my head all week long. I have been doing the mental countdown in my head since last week. I knew these words were something that needed to come out,I just wasn’t sure how they should come out. You see for many of us that were involved in the event 3 years ago we’re past being angry…past crying daily over it…yet when I think back to the summer of 2009 I’m not sure how any of us are still standing let alone a stronger unit of family and friends then ever before.We lost one of our members earlier this year and I think at least for me and my bestie it sent us reeling into a thought that there was one less person out there who truly understood what we all had gone through.
I hate the span of week that June 30th and July 5th falls into. The fact that our Countries birthday falls in it really just sucks. July 4th used to be one of my favorite holidays filled with memories I have shared with you all. The past 3 years though it has become a week that I just need to survive through.
3 years ago yesterday my best friend lost her husband in a moment no one should ever have to live through. In her late 20’s and an instant she became a widow with 4 young kids. Those of us,family and friends,closest to her were sent into a state of shock as well.
I remember when I first met my best friend and her husband. They were Kenna’s soccer coaches. I was living in the small town of Williams and at that point in a pretty crappy relationship. The first conversation I ever had with my best friend consisted of me teasing her because she had shown up to a very early morning soccer game with sunglasses on. She claimed she just had a headache…I teased I knew EXACTLY what that headache had come from
From there the relationship grew. Our oldest daughters quickly became best friends as the other kids willingly played together. Before long the two of us were inseparable. Her husband was an amazing coach for Kenna and when I left the relationship I was in he stepped up and helped my boys with the “man things” they needed to learn about. I remember him pointing out once at the way Nathaniel was sitting with his legs crossed and teasing it wasn’t a very “manly” way to sit. When I would leave for my road trips he would always go put air in my tires and make sure the car was “safe” for travels.
as my then 4 year old Holly reminded me later the night he died as she sat crying in the bathtub too young to fully understand everything that had happened,
” Mommy Manny promised he would always be there for us…and now he can’t because he’s gone….he’s just gone.”
I am not sure any of my kids have ever spoken anymore gut wrenching words and that image still haunts me to this day.
What followed after that night was a summer I can never forget. I remember telling my kids that this summer would be spent helping Patty and her kids in any capacity possible. I remember feeling so proud of my kids as their response was,
“Of course mom.”
I remember the day before his funeral my car door got slammed into by another car. I remember instinctively wanting to call my best friend and then stopping and thinking…she just lost her husband a broken car door isn’t going to mean shit to her in comparison.In a way we had not only lost my best friends husband but we had lost my best friend.
I remember calling my dad in tears knowing now on top of everything else I was going to have to deal with insurance companies and getting my door fixed and ….yeah…where was the blanket for me to just hide under.
The summer of 2009 was one that no person should really ever have to live through. Some days were better than others when I would go visit and the kids would play and we would pump up the music and enjoy pizza and a few drinks. We quickly made this a weekly ritual but it took a long time to get to that point.
First we had to go through the pain,the loss,the anger,start the healing. My friend had to deal with the downfall of something tragic while living in a small town. She had to deal with the stares and the whispers,and the pity looks. You see though, my best friend is a very strong person and she didn’t let that get to her. She put her children first and did what she needed to do.
3 years later and we both live in different states. Me in Washington and her in Texas. I can never say I understand fully what she went through I just know how it affected my kids and myself. There were many late night phone calls back and forth. Many days I would call just to make sure she had eaten that day or if she just needed a friend.
That summer we all learned a lot about ourselves. Our kids had to learn lessons that honestly no child should ever have to but because of that all 8 of them have a better understanding of how precious life is.
I sent out the text last night at dinner time. I wanted her to know I was thinking of her. I told her she needed to pack up the kiddos and just come up here. I suck at taking care of people from afar.
I sent out a text to Manny’s dad as well. Even though we’re all in 3 different states we’re all connected for the rest of our lives.
This was something none of us should ever have to live through…especially my best friend and her children but somehow we’ve all come out of it with our heads still above water. I am so proud of her and her children.
So to my bestie…you’re one in a million,a true survivor, and I love you now and forever.