Category Archives: Single mom

Mary Did You Know…

I tend not to get very religious here on my blog. It is not because I am not, in fact I’m quite the opposite. It’s not because I’m afraid I’d offend anyone because umm let’s face it my name IS Twisted Domestic Goddess,that name alone implies I’m probably going to offend someone, somewhere, at sometime. It is not because I’m pushing God away either…it is usually because my relationship with God is so personal it’s hard for me to put into words. (Yes there are still some areas that STILL leave me speechless.)

However,last night,while holding my sweet baby in my arms I couldn’t help but shed a tear or two. I had the song Mary Did You Know playing through my head most of the night.

Our family has already done Christmas. Maybe that is a good thing it gave me time last night to reflect on the things I know,the things I was taught growing up,and just some quiet time between me and my God.

Nathaniel read the story of the first Christmas to us our morning before we unwrapped presents. Again I couldn’t help but tear up. Amazingly it was not so much because of Jesus being born.I teared up for Mary. Every time I have ever heard that story my mind and heart always goes to Mary.

This year when he read it I caught on to a part I guess I had always skipped. The part that reads that Mary was still only Joseph’s fiancee when they went back to Bethlehem and when Jesus was born.

There was no room at the inn. We all know this. But for a mother who is  pregnant with the Son of God,someone who would die for us but not first without numerous amazing events throughout his life,as well as not being married and having some still mark her for that,must have been a very emotional time for her.

Mary knew her son would go on to save the world,however many others didn’t. To others Mary just looked like a harlett,someone who herself had sinned.I can’t imaging holding my head up high through the stares and whispers. The courage it took for Mary.

And yet this year as well,my heart went out to Joesph for the first time ever. Mary wasn’t the only one who had to have endured the stares and whispers. These two had such an amazing faith in God.

Two unmarried young parents together in a stable,giving birth to the King who would save us all.

Mary holding the young babe just moments after birth,still covered in goo, and realizing at some point her child would leave this earth before her. It had to be both glorious and heart breaking at the same time.Did she weep with sadness as well as Joy. Did she know how much pain and suffering her son would have to endure just to bring the love of God to all of us?

As mothers it is our job to raise our children the best we can. To love them and be there for them through the good as well as the hard, heart wrenching bad times. Mary’s responsibility was ten fold.

Last night while holding my beautiful daughter I was reminded of all this once again.What heart wrenching times will my daughter as well as my other children have to endure. Will I be a good enough mother with the support I offer? Will I be a good enough example through the tough times to show them to keep their eyes towards God and to lean on him? I pray I will be.

Mary did you know….

There is no earthly way we ever really know all our children will happen upon through their lifetime

I am so thankful that we do have Jesus to share with us His love.

Mary may not have known,but she kept her eyes towards God and gave mothers everywhere an example to follow.


Happy Mother’s Day To EVERY Mother Out There

For those that gave birth from the womb


Or birth from your heart








For those of you that wake up to your children’s laughter every morning








And for those of you that go to sleep every night with empty aching arms and heart








For those of you that only have one child











To those of us crazy to have a whole houseful

my crazy bunch


For those single moms out there struggling to make it just one more happy day








And for those blended family moms who struggle to make sure EVERY CHILD knows they are loved












For those of you no matter how your children were born or where your children are now.

Happy Mother’s Day



The Real Me


Mama’s Losin’ ItThis week’s writing challenge(well one of them) is pick a picture that shows the real you! I’m usually the one behind the camera and this made me think maybe before my trip I should take a few pictures of me with my loved ones….yeah I’ll get right on that.

However I did have fun looking through photos to find one that represented me….and I stumbled upon one that captured me PERFECTLY!


This was taken a few years back,while we were living in Williams Arizona. I had just left a very verbal and emotionally abusive relationship. I had almost lost my Kenna into a great void of silence and I fought tooth and nail to get my own place and pull her out of that void…to teach her once again her voice should never be lost.

It was also the summer my best friend lost her husband to suicide.

I look at this picture and see:



Two precious daughters who will stand by me no matter what

Joy I see joy in the midst of pain.

A strong woman who without a doubt could take on the world.

Someone who loves to smile and laugh.

A woman who had forgotten who she was but now remembered and was NEVER EVER going to look back.

I see the girl who writes this blog and has re found her own voice.

I see ME

Top Ten Firsts in 2011

Ummm did anyone notice that Monday was yesterday?I just sat down at my computer wondering WHAT I was going to blog and said,”oh wait Monday Listicles!” then realized Monday was yesterday.

Oh well I’m a rebel….ya’ll knew it so ya’ll will love me anyway for being a day late…..right?RIGHT?

What a great topic this week and one that is really making me think!

Sadly my mind is mush after the Christmas rush (ha ha see I rymed!)So bare with me people. Take a look at the list and then link up and make your own!


Top 10 Firsts That Happened in 2011

1. I finally stopped pushing my dream of moving back up to WA aside and did it!

2. All 4 kids were reading independently and on levels way above their own grade!

3. I dyed my hair black with blue streaks!!! Yup that was a fun hairstyle I had always wanted to try and hadn’t. I’m so glad I did and am currently working no getting back to that.

4. I rented a house not an apartment for me and my kiddos.

5. I finally stopped caring what others think of me and just did what made ME happy and was best for MY family.

6.I spent my first Christmas in Washington in over 5 years! Absolutely awesome.

7. I got to take Kenna to a wolf sanctuary for her birthday and watch her absolutely fall more in love with wolves.(She is also now sponsering a wolf a Christmas present from her father.)

8. I got to cook for a group of 12 on a regular basis and learned I can and ENJOY cooking for a large group of people.

9.I lost my Arizona tan COMPLETELY!

10. I got to take my kids to Couer D’alene lake this summer. Where not only I spent many of my summer days as a teen but where their grandfather worked on pit crews for hydroplane racing back in the day.


All in all 2011 was a great year….but please bring on 2012!

Routine Yes….Mundane Never!!!

Well this is going into the 3rd or 4th week I’ve been up at B’s aunt’s house…I think it’s the 3rd but seriously sometimes it’s like living in a time warp here. The kids have all settled into their routines as well as me. I get up when B gets up spend some time with him(or blogging like I am now), then once he leaves I have about 20 minutes of “alone time” before I wake up his oldest and on Monday,Wednesday,and every other Friday his youngest as well. Get them ready for public school with breakfast and doggy tails, and then usher them out the door with I love you’s and hugs.Umm very Donna Reed,June Cleaver,or which ever 50’s housewife you want to relate to.Well except without the pearls.I’m usually still in pj pants with a cup of coffee in my hand. I know Mrs. Cleaver….the horror!

Barbara Billingsley Pictures, Images and Photos

From there on I start my kiddos days of chores,breakfast and our school.(We’ve switched over to Story of The World vol 2 for right now.)Then we usually chill for a bit in the early afternoon before the girl or girls return. If Dede is staying home with us she does school with us as well.By 2:45 I have my kiddos back around the dining room table to start workbook work and await the kids arrival.

Depending on whether or not his aunt is working nights I either scramble to get dinner on the table by 5:30 while helping 6 kiddos with work, or I get a little bit of a breather. Then dinner,then showers for those who need it,then read to them,then prayers and bed…..

And I’ve been complaining that I’m tired for no good reason? Just reading those last 3 paragraphs make me tired.

So yes sounds like a very good routine but you have to throw in the fact that besides B,me and the kiddos, there are 4 other people living here. There are texts going back and forth to the two college kids wondering if they’ll be home tonight for dinner or later,an aunt who’s an OB nurse and works a rotating shift,and a 14 year old who actually usually jumps right in when he gets home to help with homework or whatever else needs to be done.(the other night he taught Holly greater than and less than,it was really cute.)

Last night’s dinner was one of the best I’ve had in a long time. We have a ton of turkey left over so I decided after reading this recipe… I would make turkey and dumplings. I was a little nervous about making the rolled out dumplings as I’ve never attempted that before,but the minute I got my hands into the dough I knew it would be alright!

It’s been awhile since I’ve had my hands in anything but laundry(oh did I not mention the laundry?)

where was I?Oh right last night’s dinner. Seriously good and waaayyy easy and fast. Try it!Now!

So last night’s dinner, was one of the best and loudest dinners I’ve experienced in a long time! B was working late, and aunt Nancy and her youngest were out running errands so it was just me,the kids,and the two college age cousins.

So umm only,9 of us last night.

Ha! And I had a cousin who was complaining about cooking Thanksgiving Dinner for 17.(12 is the norm around here.9 is a light night)

It started out with the older boys throwing out random spelling words to the kids.You know words like cataclysm, or pseudonym, then it moved onto the Nordic words. Then I reminded the boys they were studying Rome, so it moved into Roman Mythology,then onto Greek. Everyone was shouting out questions and answers. Trust me it got loud. And the grand finale? Well Xmen trivia of course.While the older kids were all taking part of that,Holly and Dede were giving each other words to spell as well.

It really was cute but by the time dinner and chores were done, I was so ready to tuck those kiddos into bed. We read our last bit of Super Fudge and called it a night.

So yes we’ve definitely settled into a routine,no matter how crazy it may be,I’m loving and cherishing every moment of it.

Now will someone please pass me the coffee,or valium……heck make it both!

A li’l picture love to go around

Well at least this weeks listicles won’t get me into as much trouble as last weeks did. What was Stasha thinking?10 reasons why you are or are not done having kids. I’m like baby sonar I realized yesterday in church. It doesn’t matter if when we walk into the sanctuary and there are no babies, if one comes in it usually sits in direct eye sight of me….so then I spend the service looking at the baby that I’m trying not to look at so I don’t get all “awww it’s a BABY” in the weird stranger way that makes you want to take your baby and run for your dear life.

OK maybe I’m not that bad.


But I did mention to B yesterday maybe I should go volunteer in the nursery, to which he is afraid that plan to take care of my baby fever would backfire on me…or well on him. I wish one of my friends close by would have a baby then I could just go and snuggle and feed them and viola….baby fever fixed.

Oh but we’re not here to talk about this horrible sickness I have right?We’re here for this week’s Monday Listicles!!!! Duh Duh Duh Duh!!!(Insert super hero theme of your choice.)

Kim over at Zook Book Nook is getting ready to welcome another bundle full of joy to the family. Instead of us all bringing her meals Stasha thought it would be more fun (and practical for us far away) to share a listicle of some of our favorite pictures….because I mean c’mon who doesn’t enjoy looking at other people’s photos?I know I do!

sidenote****Thank you Stasha for picking a much more less hot button conversation piece this weekend(does that sentence even make sense?I have no clue it’s 5 am here)

So here are some of my favorite pics from our last year living in Arizona. I’m so glad that phase in our life is over but I can’t help but look back and smile at our good times we had. Most of these were taking in the winter months and yes instead of winter coats we’re wearing….swimsuits and shorts!

Following through on our Christmas tradition of decorating a gingerbread house….who cares if it was like 80 degrees out!



Kenna my little errr ummm angel at the old apartment!



Nathaniel down at the river


Lane and I enjoying a day at the lake in October!


Ummm this may be what happens when mommy gets into the eggnog down in Tucson….that or maybe I’m just enjoying the time with my kiddos!


I wish this pic was bigger. Took it on one of our trips to Reed Park zoo in Tucson. Such a fun zoo and the flamingoes seemed to be enjoying the 80 degree weather in November as well!


Ok B I’ll make you a deal if you get me a baby sea otter I’ll never mention the word baby again….The kids and I always looked forward to seeing Pip and Pop at the zoo each visit.(If you get the Bear in The Big Blue House reference then 5 more points for you!)



So technically this is Nevada but right across the river is Arizona. I love this pic of the two oldest they look like they’re sharing a secret that momma has no business knowing.



So there’s this place called Oatman AZ about 45 minutes outside of Bullhead. It’s a ghost town that BLM let the burros roam. So ghost town has turned into more of a side road stop. You can not drive down the one street without stopping multiple times to wait for the burros to get out of your way. You can feed them and pet them and if you pack a lunch you better eat it in the car!(AWWWWW look it’s a BABY!run donkey run!)


Thanksgiving night of last year. Ok the pool may have been too cold but we all enjoyed being able to relax in the hot tub with my dad.

And sometimes it’s like living in a frat house….

I’m making shrimp manicotti tonight for 12.Wait back up did you read that right? 12….shrimp manicotti for 12?What in the world is that Twisted girl up to now?

(note to self NEVER EVER say life is boring…and you certainly don’t blog about it)

B has gone back to work. We’re all happy about it and it seems like a great job. With him going back to work, comes me watching the girls. With me watching the girls it means I’m pretty much living up at his aunt’s house since he leaves the house before they wake up and get home either right at dinner or later.

Wait so that’s only 9 people where does the 12 come in?Well his aunt has 3 boys. 2 college age and a teenager…aha there’s the 12!

So ontop of homeschooling my kids,watching the girls, and helping them with their homework, I’ve been trying to help out by cooking meals and cleaning up.Poor Aunt Nancy has been the only girl in the house for so long I THINK she’s enjoying having another woman around to talk with.

Yes 2 girls in a house full of ……boys(ok ok my 2 girls and B’s 2 girls are here of course but they’re LITTLE) So much of our days are filled with story telling and video games.Yesterday was one of the boy’s birthdays so of course he had two of his friends over.

At 10 oclock there were 8 adults hanging out,voices loud,screaming over a video game.

We very easily go through 5 pots of coffee a day

There are kids and young adults going to school and coming home from school at all different hours

Quiet time is the time at about 2 am when you’re for sure everyone in the house is asleep.

People have to announce when they’re going to shower as to not steal someone elses time.

Toilet paper runs to the upstairs bathroom happen several times a day.

Dinners have at least 12 places set. The dinner table is surrounded with laughing,more story telling, and of course one upping.

I am sitting here listening to the two oldest boys add commentary to the video game.

I must start making dinner….

I’ve decided to chalk this experience up to add to my resume underneath the title of

Frat Mother


Beware of Ms. Clause

Wow Ms. Clause is getting a bad rap this year! I was reminded of an incident regarding her last night which brought to mind another conversation I had with Kenna a couple of months back.

She had asked me why she hadn’t gotten the pocket knife she had asked for.the last two Christmases. In her defense I think she’s totally capable of handling one. I have no fear of her having a pocket knife,I just don’t want it to fall into one of her siblings hands that I’m not so confident in.

Anyways she had asked me if Santa would bring her one(Holly must’ve been around since she’s the only one who still believes.) I told her probably not. Mind you I was single at the time and I have NO idea what kind of knife to buy her. When she asked why I told her simply,

“Mrs Clause is a bitch.” To which she giggled. Yea….no idea where my kids get their sense of humor.

Last night we were again talking about Santa and Ms. Clause. Nathaniel made sure to remind me that there was no Mrs Clause anymore. When I asked why he said,

“Because we were talking at the old house one day and I said something about Mrs. Clause and you said Mrs. Clause left Santa because he drank too much eggnog.”

At first I denied ever saying it. As funny as it is could I really have said something like that? Then B stepped up and said he could totally see me saying something like that. The more I thought about 1)the funnier it got and 2) I probably did say that.

So the conclusion I come to this morning? Ms Clause really IS a bitch.

Oh that and I’m most likely going on the naughty list for saying such things!


Incredibly Real and Raw

My writing has been less than stellar lately. I’m very aware of it. I’m so aware of it that it keeps me up at night and wakes me up early in the morning. I used to be so very full of so many ideas to write down on my paper or computer. These days though most the thoughts that enter my head I wonder if anyone would even really want to read.

I’ve had so many people tell me I should write down my story of being a single mom. To do that I would have to be completely honest with everyone, include not only my good times, but my epically bad ones as well. To do this I would have to be completely raw with myself. Completely raw is not a place I want to go. Although it’s where I live inside my head most the times these days. Trust me it is not a pretty place to be.

Maybe it is just time that I become real and raw. I have never cared what people think of me before so why should I care now?

I feel like I’m barely keeping my head above the water on most days.

There are days where I have to remind myself to breathe.

The move up here was definitely a good one I just wonder though how long until we get settled into a place we can call home. How much longer do I have to keep relying on friends.

I’ve always been the one to offer the help not take it.

I’ve been listening to Incubus a lot lately.Normally it clears my head, and helps me get my thoughts straight. Lately, it just brings back memories of those harsh raw times in my life.

Maybe it’s time to find a new soundtrack to my life.

Maybe it’s time to just say screw it and pick up that pen.

Maybe it’s just time to become incredibly real and raw.




I just thought I’d share this morning…

I went to bed last night thinking about all the supportive comments my son and I got on my last blog post. He has yet to ask his dad and of course I remembered that night that this coming up weekend is his dad’s birthday. I’m thinking that the first birthday he will have gotten to spend with his dad in 6 years trumps paco taco night. (See I’m not ALL super evil villain)

I was also thinking about all the wonderful blogs I read everyday and how much I look forward to them! So I thought why not share my little corners of the internet world with everyone.  These are the blogs that make my day…keep me going…and give me a laugh….oh and remind me that lipstick is not all bad. (yes yes Caffe I might be an evil super villain for typing that.)

So onto the list! – Michaela’s blog was one of the first I found when setting up my wordpress account.  She’s a newer single mom juggling work,2boys(whom I would babysit for her in a heartbeat if she wasn’t soooo far away), and rediscovering herself.  I love reading her thoughts because it reminds me so much of myself 6 years ago.She constantly makes me proud of her and yet I don’t even know the girl. – Alright shoes just absolutely rocks. I mean how could I not love a girl who does a practice Thanksgiving? I love reading her adventures with her young boys and ummmm mustard containers. I am really quite amazed at the amount of positivity she pours out. – Bellasmadre is also a single mom and new to the game.(ick I know it’s not a game but well it seemed to fit with the writing.) She is another reader that I can so identify with when it comes to single momhood. I love how raw she is with her writing.There are times I’m pretty sure I could jsut crawl through the computer and hug her.(yeah….that’s not creepy at all…not …one…bit!) – Reading and chickens is another favorite place for me on the world wide web. She constantly entertains me with her drawings to go with her posts. I love this girl so much that I even overlook the fact that she is NOT a cat person. A fellow Washingtonian maybe I’ll convince her to come east sometime so we can meet up. Or maybe I’ll quit being a pansy and go west! Either way she is just pretty much full of the awesome.(yes yes I really DID just say that.)  Now Marinka IS a cat lover! In fact she just finished her first book called Wanted: Cat about how they came to adopting their feline friend. She lives in New York, hence the title of the blog and dressed up like Po the telletubby for Halloween. Reading her conversations between her and her Russian mother takes me back to the days when my friend Elena’s mother would come to visit. Oh yeah and if anyone wants to send a copy of her book my way I ….ahem…wouldn’t object. Ya know so the kids can review it and all. – Stasha is another mommy that I absolutely adore. I love reading about her days with her son and Big M their dog. She has some kick ass photography skills to boot! She also has this great thing going on her site called Monday Listacles that one of these days I may join in on.(Yes yes I know I say that like every week Stasha.) Let me tell you when I do make it over to the west side of the state I will definitely be meeting up with her for some coffee. – Oh what can I say about Aunt Becky besides she is one of the most open, heart filled people I have met on the internet. Oh and she’s just as crazy as me and well who doesn’t love that? Her creativity inspires me to go after my dreams as well. She is direct and to the point and usually good for a laugh. She has two sister sites as well. is a life changing site to many. There you can go and read other’s posts or post your own on anything from Infant loss to cancer. it is a place of understanding,grieving,healing,and friends. There are so many resources on this site that lets you know YOU are not alone. Her other site constantly cracks me up. Well it either cracks me up or makes me wanna throttle someone. This is another contributing site. It wouldn’t run without the help of Aunt Becky’s Marry Pranksters. Want to whine, bitch, or get something off your chest?This site is great for that!

And last but certainly not least on my blog reading list is – I think the first post I read from her had to do with a dangerously low plunging neckline and her belly button and I was instantly hooked. Caffe is a constant source of support to me always reminding me I can do this thing called life,well as long as I have the right shade of lipstick. (ok ok I’ll admit it I RARELY wear lipstick but she’s ok with me trading the lipstick for my eyeliner.At least I think she is.) I love her posts about ummm well ignorant moms that really really need to pay attention to their kids. She is the perfect balance of super mommy and MILF. Yes there is a balance and she has achieved it!

So there you have it,my gift to you this weekend morning. If you have a few minutes this weekend grab a cup of coffee,sit down and read some of these blogs.

And to all of you who take the time to read my little blog,thank you. Thank you so much for taking the time to read my crazy thoughts,recipes, and adventures in sex ed….err..umm I mean homeschooling.